Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
why do cheetos always look like penises
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
