what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize