I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
