just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
