Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
