Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
