No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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