Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
