they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
