everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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