ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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