I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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