the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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