just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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