I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
