I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
