and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
