marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
