The maid of honor just puked.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
