i just sent this text using only my big toe
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
