It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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