I am in a vortex of obligation.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
