hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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