is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
COCAINE IS GR8
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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