Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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