Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
