Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
