During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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