ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
zippers are such a cool invention
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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