so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just want to make out with him forever
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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