Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
