I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
