Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
