The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
