i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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