atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
