so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
