...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize