Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
