The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
