i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
