Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
