You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
