I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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