I am in a vortex of obligation.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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