just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
