You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
