my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
