Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
