Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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