So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
