I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i need some magic done to my vagina
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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