ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
