A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
