Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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