ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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