she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
