I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
