Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When are your genitals available?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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