we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Is it penis luge time yet?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
