I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How does one acquire holy water?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
