im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
