If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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