im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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