two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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