Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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