He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
