Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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